What you will be paid is an essential factor in any household position, and how and when to negotiate can be hard to read, particularly if you are new to household employment. This guide applies to every role: nanny, housekeeper, private chef, personal assistant, estate manager, and house manager. If you are a house manager, read this first and then the companion guide, How to Negotiate Pay as a House Manager, which covers scope, timing, and raises for that role specifically.
Who negotiates pay and benefits
If you are working with an agency, ask how it handles pay negotiation before anything else. My Household Managed negotiates on the candidate's behalf. Other agencies prefer candidates to negotiate their own pay.
Letting the agency negotiate brings three things a candidate rarely has alone: knowledge of the overall market in your city, confidential knowledge of what other candidates for the same role are seeking and what experience they bring, and an understanding of what matters most to the family. The agency wants you to secure the position as much as you do, and it wants an offer that keeps you in the role long-term rather than one that sends it searching for your replacement in a few months. Being direct about your expectations lets the agency work efficiently and saves you time.
How to tell whether a role is open to negotiation
Whether you negotiate for yourself or through an agency, some positions are open to negotiation and some are settled. The clearest signal is how pay is advertised. Roles that leave room for negotiation are those advertised as:
- A specific rate with a plus sign after it
- A range between two rates
- A rate described as "depending on experience"
A single fixed figure with none of those usually means the family and the agency have already agreed on the number.
Negotiating benefits and paid time off
Benefits and paid time off are usually listed in the advertisement. If there is a specific benefit you know you need, such as a health insurance stipend, ask the agency early whether the family might offer it for the right fit. Three things shape the answer:
- Some positions are highly competitive, and the agency may already have candidates who will accept the offer as posted. Applying to a role like that with a list of conditions costs you time.
- Other positions are harder to recruit for, or the family is looking for something specific. If a role is missing only a health stipend or an extra week of vacation, and that would decide your acceptance, the family may be able to make it work.
- Either way, be clear with the agency about what you are looking for from the start. Withholding a must-have until the end wastes your time and puts you and the agency in an awkward position. Communication is central to every household role, and the application is the first place to show it.
How to talk about the number
Once you know negotiation is possible, be clear on your own expectations. Two habits make every conversation simpler.
Speak in gross hourly pay. If a role is advertised as a yearly salary or a weekly figure, that is often a way of presenting the role to attract interest. Confirm with the agency or the family that guaranteed hours are part of the offer.
Household employees should be offered guaranteed hours at a gross hourly rate, with overtime for hours worked over 40 in a week. Under federal wage and hour law, most household employees are non-exempt, which means a flat salary with no hourly rate or overtime is usually the wrong structure. The U.S. Department of Labor publishes guidance on domestic service employment; state rules vary and can add requirements.
Have an answer ready for the question. If a family asks in the interview how much you want to be paid, you can say either of these:
If you found the job on your own, the second line becomes: "I prefer to let the family make the initial offer, and I can think it over from there."
Discussing pay with an agency
If you are using an agency to find a position, a few habits make it far more likely the roles it brings you fit your expectations.
Pay is one part of the decision
Pay and benefits are central to any offer, and experienced household employees consistently say they would rather have a role they can see themselves in for years than the highest-paying role with a stressful environment and high turnover. Decide what matters most to you before you accept any position, and weigh the offer as a whole.
Frequently asked questions
Who negotiates pay for a household employee, the candidate or the agency?
It depends on the agency; ask at the start. My Household Managed negotiates on the candidate's behalf, drawing on knowledge of the local market, what other candidates for the same role are seeking, and what matters most to the family. Being direct with the agency about pay expectations lets it do that well.
How do I know if a household job is open to pay negotiation?
Look at how pay is advertised. A rate with a plus sign after it, a range, or the phrase "depending on experience" each signal room to negotiate. A single fixed figure usually means the family and agency have already settled on the number.
Can I negotiate benefits and paid time off for a household job?
Sometimes. Benefits and paid time off are usually listed in the advertisement. If a specific benefit would decide your acceptance, such as a health insurance stipend or an extra week of vacation, raise it with the agency early. Highly competitive roles often have candidates ready to accept as posted; harder-to-fill roles leave more room.
Should household employees be paid a salary or an hourly rate?
An hourly rate with guaranteed hours. Under federal wage and hour law most household employees are non-exempt, meaning they are owed overtime for hours over 40 in a week, so an offer should state a gross hourly rate and guaranteed hours rather than a flat salary. If a role is advertised as a yearly or weekly figure, confirm the hourly rate and guaranteed hours before accepting.
What should I say when a family asks how much I want to be paid?
Through an agency: "I am comfortable with the pay advertised in the job description" or "I prefer to let the agency handle the negotiation." On your own: "I am comfortable with the pay advertised" or "I prefer to let the family make the initial offer and think it over from there." Either answer keeps you inside the process without underselling.
How do I talk about pay expectations with an agency?
Give your realistic minimum when you apply and, if you like, a target range for roles that would attract you while you are passively searching. Keep the minimum honest: an inflated minimum places you against candidates with more experience at that level and costs you roles you are qualified for.
Sources
- U.S. Department of Labor, Domestic Service Employment, on overtime and hours worked under the Fair Labor Standards Act.
This article is general guidance for household employees and is not legal or financial advice. Wage and hour rules vary by state; confirm current requirements for your location with a household payroll provider or counsel.